The Eternal Girlfriend

It is well known that when a sentimental relationship between two people begins, the effort placed in it to make it work is great from both parties. However, as time passes by it seems that, in a heterosexual relationship, the man usually does not considered the same effort to be necessary. The woman, nevertheless, believes that such effort such be made on a daily basis. This is perhaps best illustrated with a couple that dates for a long time and their relationship seems to be the best there is. Yet, once they are married, all the details that made the relationship so great begin to vanish until they completely disappear. The man begins to exhibit a certain carelessness that then leads the woman to completely disregard him over a long period of time because she seems to have the hope that the situation will return to the past great times. There is not guarantee that by her doing what she always has done to show her now husband how much she cares, that he will change to be the man she first met when he used to put as much effort as her into the relationship. Marriage then is a sort of dreadful stage in the sentimental relationship between two people.
Marriage has always been seen as the ultimate stage of love. It has been considered as a way to culminate a relationship and seal it forever. The problem with this is that because every relationship and as a result every marriage is different there are not equal, then many people acquire the wrong idea of what it would mean to be married. Many people marry because they truly believe in marriage while others only do it for the thrill of it or the glamour of the wedding. Whatever the reason, most marriages end up the same: miserable. Do note that it does not mean all will reach that state, but many will do so. Marriage is not miserable because it is marriage but rather because of the way in which it molds people. Marriage tends to necessitate of certain characteristics in those who enter this new stage of their relationship and many people are not ready for such change despite their beliefs. Women have learned from time immemorial that they should please men in any way possible, which sadly, leads to the conclusion that if something is going inadequately, then it is due to their mistakes. This is something developed since birth. Girls are more responsive to gestures and read facial expressions. They learned what it means to be approved of without their parents or teachers actually saying anything to them. In adulthood, this translates into pleasing a man in order to acquire that approval. It is subconscious, but very harmful. That is why when a marriage is not going well, the woman never ceases to strain herself to make it work whereas the man simply gives up after perhaps trying to fix it once if at all. This is not the case during the relationship preceding the marriage. At that time, the effort is mutual.
During the relationship previous to marriage, men show more interest in it. They make a bigger effort to please the woman. They are more careful to remember dates and details, which is a capacity they lose after the marriage certificate is signed. It seems to be the case that marriage as a negative effect on them.
It should then be considered to redefine the institution of marriage into a sort of eternal engagement. This could in a way guarantee that both parties involved would put an effort into their relationship. Men would certainly be more involved rather than lose interest as they do once they are married and the thought that there is not anything to lose anymore possesses them. It would then be more romantic for a woman to be the eternal girlfriend as opposed to the wife. If the man would not just fall asleep on the relationship and the mutual effort would never cease.
Unfortunately, this seems rather unrealistic due to the patriarchal society we inhabit. It is practically impossible for men to accept this change since it would contradict their own ideals of power. If marriage were an eternal engagement, men would not necessarily enjoy the upper hand in the situation. Thus, all hope is lost since as Woody Allen said, “only unfulfilled love is romantic” which does not seem anywhere near to become part of reality.

xoxo,
Poison Drops


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