Still Wanting

Is the fact that people claim not to want something specific -or anything at all for that matter- simply a way to prevent others from seeing the vulnerability of wanting something? In other words, is not wanting simply still wanting?
The idea of wanting something is a very complicated psychological state. However, it most definitely does not mean it is always recognized nor does it mean it can always be fulfilled. Even when we find ourselves not wanting anything, we still want something, namely, we want not to want anything.
New born children function as perfect examples of such claim. A new born child could be thought of as unconscious of its needs. This does not mean that such child does not know what he needs; it is only unconsciously that the baby is aware that he too suffers from necessities. The difference is that the baby is unable to express those needs with clarity. This very fact makes him so vulnerable. Thus, even when a baby is considered to be in a state where all his needs have been satisfied, the baby still wants something: to be left alone so he can rest.
As children grow older, their desires grow with them. The desires a new born baby had for food and sleep become more materialistic. Children want toys and more expensive clothing. But above all, they want acceptance. Their world view grows with them and so do their needs. The desires that children have also expand to a state where family related matters become part of the package. Children want not only to be accepted at school but also to be appreciated at home.
As we did as children, when we become adults, we still always want something. We all have desires whether for specifics or complicated generalities. Desires vary in degree of importance and go through a very extensive range of possibilities. Nonetheless, we all fit in some specific part of that broad spectrum. Material desires are perhaps the most widely recognized. Whether said desires are something as simple as a basic need such as food or something completely outrageous as the desire to own an island. Others simply long to be love. Yet there are also those people who claim to be free of such passions. Even if someone refuses to accept what his inner voice calls for, those desires do not cease to exist. Au contraire, the longer they remain unfulfilled, the stronger they become. Furthermore, those who maintain to be free of desires are precisely expressing the one stronger yearning, namely, not to desire anything at all. How then does one cope with that insufferable wish to not want anything? Impossible, it seems, due to the fact that such is the ultimate desire of which one cannot rid oneself.
Whereas that state of freedom is out of reach, in a paradoxical manner, many claim to have reached it. It is not possible to be free of desires because at the exact moment at which one wills to be so, one is already wishing for something specific and unattainable which further reassures such state as inaccessible. The inquiry becomes why the need to hide such a necessary human state. Fear to be vulnerable. When one admits to be possessed by such human passion as desire, regardless its nature, one is letting the world know one’s weakest point. To succumb to a desire is too dangerous in a world where only the strongest are said to survive. However, one should not fight against what one longs for when one can dedicate that energy to acquiring the desired items or achieving the aspired goals? In this way, energy won’t be wasted. If on the other hand, one decides to fight against a desire, one is merely wasting time and energy because the goal one aims at will never be attained.
But at the end it does not matter whether one accepts what one wants or not. Those desires are still there. Not wanting to have a desire for something is still having a desire for something. It would be easier to exist without experiencing desires at all. If one did not attach his existence to desires and feelings one would never have to suffer from any sort of pain whether physical, emotional or the like, but then the question becomes does one ever really live or would one only exist? Do notice the difference between life and existence since they are most definitely not equivalent.


xoxo,
Poison Drops

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